My birthday is approaching fast. At the top of each November, I begin reflecting on the lessons of the year. I look at my birthday as the start of my new year. In reflection time, I always find some golden nuggets of wisdom which this year I want to share. In this post, I’m going to share 5 things I would tell my 20 something self. I have lived a life that has been full of valleys and peaks.
I think it’s always important to pass knowledge to younger ladies out in the world. Many lessons in life don’t have to be as hard if you are receptive to others wisdom. I also know many times everyone doesn’t have great wise counsel in their mix.
Being in my 20’s I never lived as I was so focused on making something of my life. I look at the girls now some are full of light energy that I could never even imagine having. Some ladies are already CEOs, mothers, and just the overall kept girl. Now for some of you, this isn’t your life yet. That’s perfectly ok. If you take nothing from this post, I want you to know that your right where you’re supposed to be. Also, don’t rush your journey as it’s covered in gold if you take time to notice it. Now as I am coming up on 35, I am starting to take the time to enjoy the fun times.
Ladies no matter what age you are, you deserve to enjoy the pretty things this world has to offer in a meaningful way. We all have a path and instead of trying to sound or look like someone else, embrace what you have to offer. It took me many years of dark days to truly appreciate who I am. I’m grateful for my smile and the many lessons that I have acquired along the way. Now let’s get into some of those nuggets of wisdom.
5 things I would tell my 20 something self
1. Accept what you can’t or won’t change
I lived in misery for many years trying to edit myself. Too fat, too loud, too outspoken. I worked myself to the ground trying to make myself be what I thought was acceptable. In my 20’s I lost 100lbs but never once enjoyed the victory.
At one of my jobs in my late 20’s, I had a manager who was gosh-awful make a very great point. You must learn to accept you. Review everything you don’t like and ask yourself can I change or will I be willing to change this and if not then I need to own it. This took some time to really sink in, but now I have grown to accept my body, my unique look, and most importantly my voice.
Constantly rejecting yourself destroys your confidence and overall makes you not a joy to be around. Be it in platonic friendships or intimately. You will constantly be on the lookout for someone to validate what only you can. If a partner is your validation, what happens when or if they go?
2. Know your ego
I have noticed a trend that isn’t very attractive in many especially women. We like to feel above others if our egos aren’t kept in check. I find this to happen in certain movements as the desire to appear better than is attractive and quenches our thirst for superiority.
A prime example I have witnessed is in the level up movement. I’m all for making your life better and living your best version of you. However, when it comes at the cost of belittling another woman who doesn’t subscribe to the same redric that you do it’s gross. If knocking another to their knees makes me feel strong then you need to go back to the drawing board.
When your ego isn’t checked we will gravitate towards people and movements that will give us our fix. Beloved your wonderful because of the gifts you are born with. No need to stab another to be seen.
3. Invest in the best that is in your tax bracket
Looking at my items in my home, I don’t like a bunch of stufff as I see it as clutter. I believe in buying the best you can as it will save you when you may not have it to rebuy. I still have the stainless steel pots and pans I first bought for my post-college apartment. They still look good as new after 10 years of constant use.
This applies to everything from your wardrobe, car, and anything you want. I grew up tragically poor and it was often common for me to do without. Once I started making a little money I would go buy up the cheapie clothes and shoes in order to feel like I had a lot. But after a few wears they would break. Then I’m back on the hunt.
Eventually I got rid of cheap items albeit cute for more polished and higher quality items. Now I’m not above buying something that may serve a quick purpose but I believe the bulk of what you have should be quality. Now maybe your not a 6 figure lady yet. No problem, a good Saturday at the thrift store will up your game quickly. I love getting unique pieces from clothes to home decor.
It does something to my soul to enjoy lavish items in my daily life. In a past post, I shared about items you should splurge or skimp on makeup which is one way you can enjoy the best daily.
4. Have fun with beauty
One of the greatest things to me about being a woman is the act of transformation with makeup and fashion. I feel I can express myself without words by the outfit I curate and of course the makeup. Looking back over my 20’s I dabbled in my looks but didn’t stray very much. I wore the same heavy makeup looks thinking it was really doing something.
Now in my 30’s especally with everything going with COVID-19, I have altered my look tremendously. I have fallen in love with a minimal look that allows me to look more youthful and fun!
Also I didn’t stray from certain brands but recently I was sent a gorgeous gloss from So Clear Beauty and I must say diversification of beauty is fun. I received their color Kasmi a gorgeous nude pink that is gorgeous. On my skin, I paired it with a nice brown lip liner and I’m ready to serve.
5. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed
To wrap this thing up, in my 20’s it was crazy difficult for me to speak up and out. Growing up with so much trauma and often being silenced due to the various things that happened to me, I lost my ability to speak my truth and needs.
Ladies if you desire more money, better treatment from those you allow in your life or just to live more grounded you must speak. Your voice and your truth are powerful which is why many try to silence it. Owning my truth about my mental health, my past, and what I need has boosted my confidence. A story that isn’t shared can wither the story holder.
Let’s say there a job you want with a certain salary or you aren’t getting your needs met by your partner say it with boldness and diretly. Passiviy serves no purpose in your life and it can rob the precious life force you have.
I have more of my 5 things I would tell my 20 something self that I will be sharing on my Youtube channel so make sure you head over and subscribe so you don’t miss it. Now I want to flip the mirror on you, what is something you would tell your younger self? Drop that in the comments now!
Developing a spiritual ritual is important as you evolve in life. I have studied successful people for a number of years and one thing they all have in common is some sort of spiritual practice. So in this post, I’m sharing my 3 ways to develop a spiritual ritual!
Rituals to me are routines with a set intention. You could have a beauty ritual, a manifestation ritual, or even a cleaning ritual. Each one has a focus that adds to your life. You have probably heard this saying your thoughts produce action and your actions produce your reality. Taking consistent time to focus on something will align you and allow you to tap into your dreams.
I grew up following Christianity and was a very heavy rule follower. I was at every function and truly believed that if I complied with the teachings I would somehow reach this Christian perfection. Over my years, I began to ask questions and things didn’t truly connect to me. Once I became an adult I woke up to the fact that I felt heavy anytime I tried to connect with God.
If you are a Christian, keep your faith, just ensure it’s a path that is truly working for you. I use to believe it was the only way, but as I evolved and really brought myself into awareness I noticed I was having to reject so many parts of me in order to achieve an illusion. I’m a firm believer in following what makes you feel at home and brings forth peace.
Over the past 5 years, I have worked on developing ways to center myself in order to move positively through life. As someone who has depression and anxiety, developing ways to cope that are healthy and sustaining is key. I didn’t go to a retreat or read billions of books to develop my practice. I tapped into my intuition and allowed myself to have flow. Now what works for me may or may not work for you, however, you should have some way to focus when the noise of life gets to be too much.
3 ways to develop a spiritual ritual
1. Set your intention
We do a lot of things on autopilot. From brushing our teeth, driving, to eating. Most times we aren’t aware of why we do what we do. When crafting your ritual you want to focus on why you are doing it and what you expect from it.
For instance, my spiritual bath isn’t for the sake of being clean but the intention is to come out renewed, calm, and at peace. It takes me about 2 hours to complete from cleaning the space, praying, actually taking a shower, and then curating the bath. With each step, I am focusing my attention on the outcome of rejuvenation.
Setting your intention sets the tone or the vibe for your time. I mentioned this in an earlier post that when you are creating a new path for yourself, you must be clear about what you want and allow yourself the space to bloom.
If your not clear about what you want, don’t be surprised when you don’t receive or what you receive isn’t what you hoped.
2. Select your spiritual items
Everyone’s practice will be different but I gravitated towards crystals for my spiritual practice. During my 1st experience at a metaphysical store, I felt so calm while cruising through the store. I felt maybe it was a fluke or pseudo but I have noticed anytime I visit one I typically feel very tranquil. I love crystals and sage for my daily meditation time.
Each crystal holds a different power or meaning and I love that they all can set a tone for centering myself. Crystals that I keep in heavy rotation are amethyst, selenite, rose quartz, and pyrite. For my birthday celebration, I recently ordered from a black woman-owned store, Crystal Streets Jewelry. There is calming yet luxurious energy that comes forth with all she does.
Depending on what spiritual path you follow your items could be the bible, crystals, or being outdoors. Whatever it is I firmly believe by having those items allows you to have a full-body experience.
I use candles and incense as well in my practice the smell, touch, and visuals cues my mind to tranquility. When I light incense I watch the smoke and envision things I’m letting go are burning away. With candles, I use them at my nighttime meditation as the warm glow while all the lights off just put me in an ultra-calm mood.
Now I don’t believe the item possesses any power but what I do believe it does tap into the power from within. When I hold my crystals I am centered in the energy of the intention I have set. In my beauty rituals, I often will pull my best items to adorn myself with. I did that this week when I used my Jessie Monroe nail polish, which is a black woman-owned brand as I feel so more divine when using them.
3. Consistency
My last thought for developing your spiritual ritual is being consistent. I have been after my path for a few years now and there are times when I’m meditating as soon as my feet hit the ground and there are times when I can’t will myself to do anything other than work.
I am able to sense when it’s time to dial in more with my rituals especially in 2020 as I have had a few burnout moments. Consistency really allows for things to take root inside and bloom. We can’t work out once and think we are set for life. It takes daily or consistent practice. I feel better both physically and mentally when I take the time. It makes me feel like a priority and I’m able to do everything else better as I have poured into myself.
Now your spiritual ritual doesn’t have to be something elaborate. It could be something as simple as going for a walk in nature, working out, doing your makeup, reading a book. No matter what the activity being intentional and being fully present in that time is what makes it meaningful.
I would love to hear your thoughts on your rituals. Do you have a special place that you do them or is yours more in motion? Leave your thoughts below.
Have you been feeling a bit down and just not like your normal self? Now we are still in a global pandemic so thats a thing, but with anything in life the ability to bounce back is critical to your life. I want to share 3 ways a staycation can help you flourish.
Over the past few months, I like so many others have been inside their homes working while the world seems to be crumbling. At first I was so pumped that I would hit all my goals and come out this as this amazing successful woman. However, after the shock wore off, my depression hit me hard.
The fears, pains and trauma from the past that was often escaped by way of shopping or doing something was gone. Going to the office which was another escape as it wore me out was also gone. Being at home alone provided a recipe of being very self-aware. After all the baking and eating one’s weight in homeade chocolate cookies or yellow cake with chocolate frosting, the sobering emotions came forth.
As I’m not new to these feelings I tried doing what I had done in the past, keep myself busy, focus on my goals and workout. This time, however they didn’t provide the relief I was seeking. If anything those things pushed even more feelings to the surface.
While scrolling on the gram, a friend posted her staycation pics and it hit me, I miss the ability to be in pretty places as being around beauty always refreshes me. I popped on to a few hotels in my city as I still have an crazy amount of points to use and booked a hotel.
Now I know not everyone can do this as jobs have been lost, your city may not be the greatest spot but if you can just get out for a bit safely it will do your mind so much good.
Now are the 3 ways a staycation can help you flourish
1. Changing your environment can provide clarity
I always believe that we are capable of re-writing our lives into something that is worthwhile. You can’t expect to change a problem in the same place the problem is being had. A brief change of scenery can help provide so much needed clarity and perspective changes to create change.
Maybe it’s just being inspired by art or a new view that can help you go home and alter your world.
2. Spa time at luxe hotel always boost your energy
I’m a glamour girl and I truly missed having my spa times. Now that things are slow re-opening, I felt it was needed to add some normalcy into my life again. At the top of the stay at home orders, I ordered enough skincare to cover a household of faces.
There is something to be said when going to a hotel that has the deeper soaker tub and just gorgeous decor that adds to my life. Now I was a bit worried about being in a hotel but my friend Lysol and Clorx defintely have helped to make sure things are as clean as possible.
I also got a new goodie from Clean Skin Club which is their cult-like fav Clean Clothes in a smaller size! I love that this is a smaller pack and smaller sized cloth that are perfect to pack for trips. A pack of 25 is only 10.00 which is a great addition for any glamour girls travel bag.
I feel good knowing I’m using a clean towel every time I wash my face. Want to try these, use code “Simone” to get 20% off this order and every order you make.
3. Life is meant to be experienced and enjoyed
If your someone who is very goal-driven sometimes you can get miss out on the little moments. We can be too focused on the end goal. I have missed a lot of moments of just laughing and being in the moment. I have focused on wanting to be at my fitness goal, money goal, and love goal.
Life can change in an instant. You can get a phone call that can rock you to your core. It could be the million dollar call of a deal of the century or it could be the call that someone you loved is no longer here. I encourage to appreciate where you are right now and just taste the sweetness.
Taking a staycation for me allows me to just enjoy a lavish hotel room and just for a moment not think about what isn’t perfect. 2020 has taught me that the next moment isn’t promised. Taking time to refuel mentally and physically will allow me to handle whatever comes my way.
Have you done a staycation lately? If so where did you go and what did you enjoy the most?
The global pandemic has put so much into perspective in my life. One of my goals for a while truly had me be girl gone vegan. A deep goal for me has been to really be mindful of what I consume as you are what you eat! At the top of the stay home orders, I thought going vegan would be optimal. Being a black woman who is plus-size no matter how active I may be at trimming down made me become very conscious of what I consume.
If you scroll on IG for any length of time you will see pretty smoothie bowls chopped up with all sorts of fruits and veggies and vegan meals. You will see pretty little faces saying that going Vegan is the way. I’m one that isn’t swayed easily but with it being a conscious goal of mine I felt it was worth a shot. In life you will nothing is a sure thing and you won’t know until you try.
Girl Gone Vegan Fail
April was a wild month to venture into being a vegan as it was in the heat of the pandemic and so many things were just out of stock, but I got creative. I taught myself how to make desserts as I enjoy baking that was amazing and vegan. My expectation was an increase in energy, glowing skin, and weight loss.
Over 3 months I noticed that my energy was lacking and even worst my monthly visitor was the most sinister I have ever had. I literally could not get up in the mornings and the pain left me in fetal for the first day or two. After 3 and 1/2 months, I honored myself and incorporate fish back into my diet.
My energy slowly came back and I felt as though my strength was returning. I know for many a vegan diet can be a great thing. However, know your body and understand that everything isn’t for everybody. Being in tune with my body allowed me to test it out but know when it was time to let it go.
Sipping my green smoothie
Many of the ways one should get their protein such as beans and quinoa are things my body doesn’t accept at all. I loved the experimental phase of being vegan as I tried so many recipes and brands. Now with this phase, it can become costly, as many plants-based brands aren’t for the cheap. However, once you find your staple brands, it balances out.
Now that I have gone back to meat, which comprises fish and poultry, I am thrilled. I have kept my vegetable intake as high as I was as I loved knowing I was getting a diverse nutrient base. I love that I was able to try out so many different recipes which will now be in my arsenal. One site that I stumbled upon for ideas is It doesn’t take like chicken which has a great article on 50 easy vegan recipes.
Sharing my story isn’t to scare or deter but provide another side of the vegan life. Many who share their vegan story share that they have this miracle life change. The benefits are unique for each person, and for every great story, there is a not so grand story.
Do your homework and really understand you’re why behind wanting to go vegan. If you are wanting to save the planet by not consuming animal products, then great go forth. However, if it’s a way to be trendy or appear on the weight-loss bandwagon, I urge you to use your beautiful brain. Often times with diet we have become like sheep unable to think for ourselves.
I don’t regret doing it as it’s been on my goal list for the past 3 years. If you chose to do anything make sure you give it enough vetting time to see if it will work for you. For me cutting meat and dairy were easy. Dairy was never my friend and there are so many exceptional substitutes. Meat was easy as I’m pretty limited on what types I can have.
My experience has made me very picky about the quality of food I consume as I loved how much better I felt going organic for as much as possible. Are you vegan or ever curious about going? Don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you.
2020 has been the longest year ever. With everything going on in the world, I wanted to provide 3 self-care ideas for tough days. Headlines are constantly putting people through emotional shock which starts to affect your body and mind. I believe we are all resilient but everyone has a moment where it’s just too much.
Self-care for me was radical a few years ago. Being a black woman, I was groomed to mule for others which was leading me down a path where I would eventually break down and perish. I remember when I first started being assertive about my own needs and care and how so many rebuffed me. I have said in previous posts, there will be some people in your life that are vested in you staying the same as it benefits them.
The more I stood in my power to change my life from changing my diet, working out, being intentional about the content I consumed, or what I spent my money on, I began to add life into my body and soul. As women across the board, we have been conditioned to put the needs of others above our own.
Even if your a mother, you still need to ensure your cup is full in order to properly care for your children. The old saying monkey see, monkey do is very important here as children no matter their sex will mirror you. If you are taking care of yourself your kids see that this is what I should do. It adds confidence to your little girl humans and teaches respect to your boy human.
For those who may be career-driven ladies or just following a different path, I know with every fiber in my being that when you truly devote intentional time into yourself, you can really birth those big dreams and grand experiences. Don’t let a health scare or someone’s passing be the wake up call. Do it solely because you know you deserve it.
3 self-care ideas for tough days
1. Take 20-30 minutes to reflect
I’m not perfect with my meditation. Some days I’m able to get up and get my coffee or tea and get to my meditation time. Other times I get straight to working neglecting the part of me that is needed to get through.
If I find myself mentally or emotionally spent, I take time to just sit and reflect in the moment. I jot down what I am feeling with no-judgment and allow myself to be heard. Taking time to pray, scribble down things I’m grateful for as it always pivots my perspective. I also allow myself to be human. As a black woman, I’m not superwoman or superhuman. There will be days, weeks, and sometimes months that just suck. I applaud myself for showing up even on those days even if I may have wanted to check out permanently.
Taking time to acknowledge yourself ladies, it’s a gift.
2. Re-fuel yourself by taking a mini-spa night
Before COVID, I kept a quarterly spa treatment schedule. Be it getting my waxing or massage it was a must. I figured out that I needed to have a time where I am poured into physically. Now that we are in this pandemic with no end in sight, I have really made my home as comfortable as possible in order to enjoy spa time inside. I invested in my skincare as it is a way I can do something daily to add to myself.
As of late, I found I needed a change of scenery so I booked a nice hotel for a weekend. Having a staycation if your able can really boost your mood. It may take a bit of planning but just being away from your current place and just basking in the moment is a great way to move past tough days. I am looking forward to taking a spiritual bath in the deep soaker tub and just basking in being alive.
3. Dance, sing, cry
Expressing your feelings is one of the hardest things for some people. We have been trained to suck it up and keep marching. In my research recently for grad school, the mantra for many black people has been a forced resilence. You must fix up and shut up so you can keep getting by. After years of this sort of coping, those emotions don’t leave you.
Stagnant energy will weigh you down and making it hard to bounce back. It will return in a new wig until you address it. I have found being able to just move my body allows me to stay in the moment and center me. Having just 5-10 minutes of this will help me calm down and actually feel things. In my past, I have the tendency to go numb to things but when your swaying to music you can not escape feeling.
For some people being able to sing is a way to move and express. I’m not a singer unless I’m not the car but I do find my mood becomes more at ease when I do sing. Do whatever you need to do in order to release. Honor yourself by allowing the feelings to be felt and then allow them to pass like clouds in the sky.
I hope these 3 self-care ideas for tough days was helpful. If no one has told you lately, your worth the fuss. I say this often as I know sometimes depending on your life path, you may have passively accepted the belief only certain people are worth the work of ensuring their happiness. Well baby, you are very important in this world and you deserve happiness, joy and light.
If you have other ways you handle tough days drop them in the comments!
